Last week, I shared with you my first meeting with Harold. Here is the continuation of our encounter…
Harold In Fear of Healing
Harold began his second appointment with: “I keep asking myself, Why can’t I move on with my life after this prostate cancer treatment. I am, after all, alive.”
“While I think your question, Harold, has its place, I suggest rephrasing it to yourself could be of more value.”
“Let’s start with asking the way you have been asking yourself. As you do so, notice your posture, your breathing, your eye movements, any tightness in your body?
“Now again ask yourself, “Why can’t I move on with my life after this prostate cancer treatment?”
“My heart is pounding, I feel tightness in my throat as I look downward and I am restricted in my breathing.
Next ask yourself, “What could I do to be in action?”
Again, notice your posture, your breathing, your arm movements, any tightness in your body. Describe what is happening.
When Harold again looked at me his brow was unfurled and he had a smile on his face.
“Wow. That was like releasing a log jam in a river. No part of me was jammed up. I can let myself be more vulnerable in the support group and request help from the members. And, I can make an appointment to talk with my wife about my fear of abandonment, my fear that she will leave me because I have lost my manhood”.
After this catharsis and action step commitment I suggested we discuss what had just happened in the shift he made in his question asking.
As if you are in my office with Harold and me, can you see that one question is resource minded and one is opportunity-minded? More specifically, the first is a “Blame Frame”. The second is an “Outcome Frame”
The first question will lead you to close your mind. The second question will open your mind to solutions.
Notice what comes up when you answer the first question, “Why can’t I move on with my life?”
At best, whatever is stopping you will show up.
However, does that answer showing up CHANGE anything for you? Does knowing the answer help you, cause you to get beyond it?
No, instead it begets another question. Like “How have others dealt with this?” Which really is a stall. A tar-baby. Which will lead you nowhere except deeper into research as you further develop your “resource-mind” at the service of procrastination. .
So again notice: What comes up when you answer the second question: “What is one thing I could do that would have me be in action?
Most likely some sort of action shows up. And thus, as you just experienced, one will be more profitable to engage in if your goal TRULY IS to move forward and be in action. Right?
And when you ACT on the action and do it, your focus shifts–from what you CANNOT do to what you ARE doing and to what you CAN do.
And THAT IS what will have your overcome whatever limiting beliefs are keeping you from living a fulfilled life. Focusing on something else by DOING, THINKING, and BEING something else other than what fear does, thinks, and is being..
Yes, you have fear. It helps you to acknowledge that to yourself but then get into action ANYWAY. It’s not the absence of fear that will have you move forward, for I promise you, from that mindset of blame only another fear will then hide itself by asking yet another endless question.
What will have you overcome that fear, or any fear, is simply being in action, which starts by noticing the kind of question you are asking yourself/others and rephrasing it, such that it is leads you and your mind to where you WANT to be going.
Really, fears never dissipate. We can, however, become larger than them. And we do that, first of all, by changing what we’re SEEING.
SEE opportunity. THINK opportunity. DO the opportunity.
And suddenly success isn’t magical; it’s earned and it’s normal.
I then celebrated his discoveries with sharing a poem written by a woman in the Philippines. I told Harold that she was a new member of the Living Well 60+ team. Although we have never met except by Internet and Skype, we are both seeing opportunity, thinking opportunity and doing opportunity and I that looked forward to seeing, thinking and doing the same with him.
All I ask
A soft whisper from your lips, a gentle kiss.
Is it too much to ask for this?
To lay my head against your chest,
to feel your arms around me
In my dreams are all things I can see.
Hearing you say my name, touch my face, stroke my hair.
Being without this forever I cannot bare!
Feeling our hearts becoming one as was meant to be.
I know what I feel is destiny.
By. Rizza Francisco
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Welcome to the chronicles of individuals and couples, yes, me as well, who journeyed through the ravages of surviving from and moving to thriving after prostate cancer treatment.
I am glad you came. I invite you to learn from cases that I have encountered as well as what I have gone through. As we process through the experiences of prostate cancer affecting sexual, intimacy, relationships and life itself, let us learn together.
My desire is that you will learn for yourself from how I, and the other survivors I have come to know, have traveled and learned from having a better life after prostate cancer treatment. So that you and your loved ones can also achieve transformation awakening resulting in fabulous sex, more intimacy and relationship fulfillment.
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